'I self-medicated with alcohol' Nicole Scherzinger on demons and bulimia
WE ARE all guilty of reaching for a GLASS
(or bottle) of wine when it feels like the world is caving in on us.
(or bottle) of wine when it feels like the world is caving in on us.
And there's no magic alternative to silence the demons in the land of A-list, with Nicole Scherzinger admitting she reached for the bottle during her time of need.
Different in person to how you might imagine – insightful instead of goofy, reserved instead of egocentric and softly-spoken instead of boisterous – the 36-year-old allowed us to see the darker side to what has been previously portrayed as her bubbly public persona.
Speaking exclusively to Daily Star Online, the former X Factor judge also opened up on her battle with bulimia and how she's embarking on a new chapter of her LIFE.
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She said: "I wanted to be strong in every way possible, physically and mentally, for my NEW VIDEO. I did lots of training and released all the toxins.
. I did lots of training and released all the toxins.
"I'm not better than the rest of them, I've self-medicated with alcohol. This is very exciting for me, this chapter in my life, new album, new label, new team behind me.
"I get to release everything that's in my head. I do hot yoga, so you sweat it out, it's a massive release. It really is like letting the WEIGHT off your shoulders and pushing yourself to the limits.
off your shoulders and pushing yourself to the limits.
"That's the great thing about mind, maturity, growing, as a woman I'm finally the most comfortable I've ever been in my own SKIN.
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"And because of that, the stuff I don't normally TALK about, I'm able to speak about through my music. This album is the musical soundtrack to my soul and heartache. My triumphs and my downfalls."
about, I'm able to speak about through my music. This album is the musical soundtrack to my soul and heartache. My triumphs and my downfalls."
Opening up about her EATING DISORDER, the Hawaiian native confided in us over how elated she is to have created a positive light for fans from a period that was so dark in her life.
, the Hawaiian native confided in us over how elated she is to have created a positive light for fans from a period that was so dark in her life.
She explained: "There has been unbelievable support, people who didn't even know me have contacted me to say, 'Wow, I didn't even know who you were until I saw that story. Now I have a whole completely different perception of you.'
"That's good, that's why you do it, so people can have a better understanding of who you are, what you are and what's going on behind the scenes.
"Fans have come to me and asked for help, I just want to hold them and lift them up. I want to be a light and strength for them, it's a dark, hard condition and ADDICTION.
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"I'd say speak to someone about it, speak to someone who is preferably educated on it so they can help. Don't give up on fighting it; continue to get the voices and demons out so you can let go."
NICOLE said the world already "puts so much on us", yet we continue to "put even more on ourselves", adding "it all bottles up and comes out in the wrong way".
said the world already "puts so much on us", yet we continue to "put even more on ourselves", adding "it all bottles up and comes out in the wrong way".
The ex-Pussycat Doll said that while she feels the illness may have stolen several years of her life, it is possible to conquer it and say no to living under its spell.
She said: "I didn't think I ever had a choice because I was a prisoner, I didn't know how to get out.
"People would tell me what I needed to do and I didn't understand. I just kept resisting.
"Now that I'm free and healed from it, it's now that life begins, it's when the magic happens, I can live for a purpose. I feel alive and it's great and I want to inspire others."
Refreshingly honest, there is no doubt Nic will indeed inspire others, especially in a world of Kardashian-worshipping vacuity and inane Twitter spatting that makes headlines.
Speaking of new track, Your Love, Nicole said: "It was all fun, it happened organically. I was working with The-Dream & Tricky Stewart.
"I couldn't sleep without it repeating in my head, I was dancing around as soon as I heard the beat.
"It's the poppier song on the record, as they're urban producers the album is a little bit more RnB.
"The other stuff is more cool, vibey, soulful, the soundtrack to me as a girl and my life as a woman."
Meanwhile, Body Gossip campaigner Natasha Devon also spoke out this week on the condition that she too has overcome.
Talking about why sufferers find it difficult to seek help, she said: "It's so disgusting, there is so much shame and guilt associated with it, you don't want to tell people.
"Wrongly, anorexia has a kind of glamour, yet bulimia doesn't have that and it's very isolating."
She continued: "Sometimes you hear bulimics say, 'I wish I had a massive bandage on my leg because people can't see,' it doesn't actually make you lose weight [so it can be hard to detect]."
Natasha eventually sought help and recovered by "throwing away the scales" and no longer "looking at what celebrities were doing" to "make my own rules".
The Self-Esteem Team founder told Sky News: "A GP would be your first port of call, but if you don't get help there, don't be afraid to explore other options."
Scherzy's new single Your Love is out tomorrow.
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